I don’t know what is happening to me. I keep getting dizzy and confused and feel like I’m being closed in on. Therapy has been bad for me. Last time the therapist suggested hypnotherapy and nothing has ever been so dangerous. She started talking about a hospital and I couldn’t tell if she could do that against my will so I quite then felt euphoric for a awhile and stopped si within that euphoria. I’m really scared. I’ve never been given a diagnosis but I’ve been prescribed anti psychotics twice and bipolar medicine once. I never took any of it but I’m scared that something serious is wrong and that that is the reason this keeps coming back. One therapist told me it was like I had cancer and I hear her saying that to me. For me, talking about si makes the thoughts impossible to control, like it gives them wheels, but I don’t know what else to do so here I am. My husband had a negative view of therapy before I ever started and his view has been confirmed by my experiences so I don’t think I could convince him again. I’m pushing for couples therapy because that’s less threatening to him. Is it normal that talking makes things worse? My last therapy was 9 years ago. It all started 20 years ago. I’ve been mostly good. I think there were years when it may not have occurred to me but what happens when this never goes all the way away? Is it normal to feel so dizzy? It’s now been coming on for days and I think I know what started it and it’s something I want to go into but this FENCE will not let me into it. I’ve lived my life more narrowly than necessary because I can’t get into the stuff I need to get into. Instead my mind just collapses into si. I don’t understand and have no hope of making things better with my family or my husband if I can’t get past the fence. I keep feeling crazy and like si is the only thing in the world that makes sense. My big question, the one I hope there’s an answer to, is what do you do if you know you must be causing it but you can’t make it feel that way? If it feels like it’s coming from the outside? Intellectually, I understand that I’m causing it, which is the piece that has enabled me to make it go away at times but right now the way it feels is so strong that nothing is helping.