Okay so last week was my 3rd week of no SI’ing and than i couldn’t take it anymore and did it. I know 3 weeks isn’t that big of a deal. i know people have gone longer than that. But i was really excited that i had gone that long and than i snapped. I can’t picture my life without this but i really wish i could and no matter how hard i try. I hate having this totally depressed feeling all the time. I know God is in control, He never gives me more than I can handle and He has a plan for my life. There is a reason for everything. I know that and am trying hard to believe that.  But I was so angry and i ended up doing it pretty bad and freaked myself out. but after it was all cleaned up and fixed i wanted to do it again but didn’t. But now i’m totally obsessing. I hate this, i hate this, i hate this! I need peace from this for just 5 minutes!