I’m actively pursuing recovery.  One of big themes I am finding is in how honesty plays one of the title roles in this whole process… it is the backbone of which everything is based.  When I lie to myself or others, I am only making the problem worse.

I am not suggesting that I will start wear my scars as sleeves just yet, I am referring to not allowing myself to waste so much of my energy into “hiding” all the time.  Yes, I will wear my long sleeves but I won’t freak out if they slip up because I’m adjusting my watch.  I will be more understanding when the new uniforms at work only come in short sleeve and not allow myself to become afraid of what I will do (long sleeves underneath usually aren’t a problem).  I will try and be more open about what I’m feeling, rather than bottling it all up so that I will have the urge to hurt myself later. 

I am not saying tell everyone my life story.  I am saying just honestly live my life and not let self-injury stop me from living anymore.  The scars aren’t going away tomorrow, but I sure don’t have to hurt myself today or tomorrow or the next day or a month from now.  I know what I know — the scars are there and they aren’t going away — and I can choose to live my life honestly by expressing myself in a healthy constructive way.  There are alternatives for me and self-injury doesn’t have to be my only choice or even my last choice or ever a choice for me again.

When I don’t worry so much about what others think of my scars, I can worry about things that matter. 

Self-injury, scars, and my history of pain do not define who I am.  I am Cassandra and I’m a beautiful woman.  I’m adult, with a college education, who has a passion for helping others.  I’m sensitive, creative, and high energy.  I have used self-harm in the past to cope, but I am choosing today to use another way to express what I’m feeling.