I’m writing cause i’ve yet again about a week and now feel like i’m at my limit with what i can handle without Si’ing. i can’t even pin point a specific reason why i want to do it. i feel like i’m never going to get past this. its been ten years almost. I’m 22 and just want to get past this part of my life and i just can’t. i hate this! I’m trying really hard and working with my Pastor but it just feels like its never going to go away. I’ve screwd my life up so much. I can’t see past the fact that this is what i deserve.
You do not deserve to hurt, no matter what you think. Pain is part of survival, but living is a choice.
Faith is vital in my recovery and I can tell you are searching for God’s help too. Remember that grace is something we don’t deserve and cannot earn, but was given to us DESPITE it all. We can’t do anything to earn God’s love either, all we can do is accept it. Thank goodness God understands us and that He wants us to share with Him our “everythings”. He knows everything, but He wants us to tell Him what He already knows too – it is part of how we can give back and embrace His grace.
Hey, Jamie. I’m new to posting here, just sort of stumbled on the website, saw your post and felt compelled to submit a comment.
I’ve struggled with SI since my teens…I’m almost 30 now and though I haven’t SI’ed for a solid 3 years I still get that overwhelming feeling sometimes like I HAVE to SI. But I don’t. I’ve figured out ways to keep myself from giving in. I know you can, too.
To answer your subject title question, it does end…but it takes time…I’m still on the path to getting there myself. The nagging ache I feel from not giving in to urges for SI becomes less and less as time goes on.
Be patient with yourself. Your health and well-being is worth being patient for, right? It’s going to take some time to find out how YOU personally need to deal, but please take that time.
You do not deserve a life of pain. That is a fact. You are loved immensely.
Hugs,
malissa
You will get pass this and I know how hard it is, but you’ll find out in the end it was well worth going through trying to figure how every ticks. Everything that you think you might have screwed up you didn’t you just can’t see through the fog. I love you and we’ll talk some more, you are cared for by me, by the other people on this blog, but most of all by God he understands exactly where you are and where you need to go so just let go a nd let god. Hugs
Jamie, first off nobody deserves to be punished. I know what you mean though. I had to learn to change how I was talking to myself for starters. It’s not easy, but like I deserve good things. Kind of like affirmations. It got to the point that for me that I did not have to have a reason to si, I just did it. I woke up was a good enough reason for me.
For me right now I feel like I cannot take much more either. It’s rough right now. Has been for a bit but I’m keeping myself as busy as I can. Mind busy is very important for me. I do a lot of crafts, crocheting the most, but I keep busy. Mind busy helps the thoughts, like reading or playing a game online or something. Find something to do. Try doing an impulse log. Have you ever read the book Bodily Harm? There are many many suggestions in there to help cope. Doing impulse logs helped me figure out where I was emotionally, such as what was going on with me so I could then deal with it. It’s a great help. Hang in there ok, as I was told before, hanging in there is very important. Eventually you’ll be more at ease and not find the need to injure all the time. Take care hon, it does get easier.