I guess the unblinking stares in PE showed me it was a problem. I guess the grief-stricken look my therapist gave me showed me it was a problem. I guess when my therapist said that if I continued I was going to be in a psych ward in the next year it showed me it was a problem. I guess those promises I broke to my best friends showed me it was a problem. I guess when I found that I couldnt stop showed me it was a problem.
Hi. I’m Tara. But you can call me whatever you want. “Freak” is a popular one. I have SI’d for about a year now, on and off. I began again in the middle of the summer after a 4-5 month break. This is the longest I have ever kept going without a break. I dont know what I credit it to…I like to say it has to do with my depression disorder. But I know that its not it. In the summer…It was because of home life. Getting screamed at every day really takes it out of you. Then it was because I hated school. A lot. Then…My girlfriend broke up with me. And that may sound stupid and childish, but she really is the only person I can trust with everything. We still talk every day which just makes things so much worse. So I came to the conclusion that I have a selfharm problem because of my parents, my school and my ever so lovely ex.
I’m also having issues with hiding it. If my parents knew…I would be in a treatment center. I would be gone before anyone knew where I was. Its scary to me. I know I would make my mother cry. My dad would probably scream at me…How I have “such a great life and I just want attention”. I dont really know what to do anymore. I feel so alone…So very alone.