I havent SI since august. which really isnt that long ago, but i finally started feeling better. i was on a better track feeling better. then on friday night i s.i. i wasnt in a bad mood or sad i just wanted need to.  then saturday i hung out with my 2 best friends and i smoked weed for the first time ever.  i dont know why, but i reacted to being high VERY badly.  i couldnt stop screaming and i felt soo scared.  at some points i couldnt feel any part of my body. i was so thirsty and i was trying to get water but i could barely walk. i kept wondering how i got somewhere and it felt like i kept waking up from dreams and falling back asleep and then waking up again. everything is pretty hazy.  but i definately know that i will never ever do that again. i hated it so much.  but the worst part was that i didnt have a friend to turn to. i smoked with my best friend in the whole world and i thought i could trust her with anything and she would always be there for me. but yesterday when i was high, i just wanted her help to take me someone where i could lay down and rest so i could feel better. but she kept on screaming at me to calm down. she didnt give a darn about me she just wanted to make sure we didnt get caught. then she completely ignored me. i feel so alone with no one to turn to. i dont know what to do. i just wanted to let this all out