I’ve been trying to find an apartment and it’s really tough out there especially if you live in New York  it’s almost impossible.  I was feeling like everything was just building up and I needed some sort of release so I SI.  I know I shouldn’t have done it because I graduated from the program and should have known better. Not only has the stress of looking for an apartment, but my anxiety is at it’s peak and I just needed some sort of relief just to feel something other than what I’m feeling.  I told my therapist today in session and right now all I’m worried about is telling my psychiatrist when I see her.  I just get so angry when I feel I’m so close to getting a new place, but when look around and notice that there isn’t a store for at least 2 miles from it you kind of give up which I’ve been doing.  Letting all of you know what I did has been the hardest part of everything and because I know it wouldn’t be honest if I said everything is perfect when in fact it isn’t.  Feeling like I’ve let everyone down hurts too all I know that at the time I did it I felt like I had to.  I have another week before I see my psychiatrist and I know between now and then it will eat at me  I will have no idea wether my therapist will tell her or she’s leaving me to do that.  For now no matter what anybody thinks I still feel like a total failure because I had this relapse.