I’ve been trying to find an apartment and it’s really tough out there especially if you live in New York it’s almost impossible. I was feeling like everything was just building up and I needed some sort of release so I SI. I know I shouldn’t have done it because I graduated from the program and should have known better. Not only has the stress of looking for an apartment, but my anxiety is at it’s peak and I just needed some sort of relief just to feel something other than what I’m feeling. I told my therapist today in session and right now all I’m worried about is telling my psychiatrist when I see her. I just get so angry when I feel I’m so close to getting a new place, but when look around and notice that there isn’t a store for at least 2 miles from it you kind of give up which I’ve been doing. Letting all of you know what I did has been the hardest part of everything and because I know it wouldn’t be honest if I said everything is perfect when in fact it isn’t. Feeling like I’ve let everyone down hurts too all I know that at the time I did it I felt like I had to. I have another week before I see my psychiatrist and I know between now and then it will eat at me I will have no idea wether my therapist will tell her or she’s leaving me to do that. For now no matter what anybody thinks I still feel like a total failure because I had this relapse.