I have been home for about a month and a half. I miss Texas so much. I have been doing everything I can to go forward and do the right things. I wrote my therapist a letter with the stuff I just could not say to her. She read it and we talked about it. I have stayed in touch with some of the girls I was there with and that is AWESOME! I even sat down with my mom to try to talk to her about my SI and that I am still having difficulties with it and would like her help. We have never had a serious talk about my SI and I felt it was necessary. I didn’t even get out two sentences when she laughed at me and asked “didn’t they teach you down there that you have no power?” I wanted to tell her that they taught me the opposite, that I do have power and not to let anyone take it away. Instead, I ran out of her house crying. That was 2 weeks ago. My sister doesn’t talk to me and hasn’t really since I told her of my rapes and sexual assaults. I told her while I was in Texas. My dad doesn’t think I should ever have another bad day and if I do, he says SAFE wasn’t worth it. He helped financially for me to go there, so he likes to remind me that “it was expensive so it better have worked”. I relapsed again so I know I need to work harder. I’m in school and that is my only distraction. My mind seems to make everything else that is positive into everything negative. I am so scared and I keep telling my therapist, doctor, and caseworker. But ultimately it is my responsibility. Both SI and suicidal thoughts are there almost all the time. I am holding on, but I fell like I am losing my grip.