I have been home for about a month and a half.  I miss Texas so much.  I have been doing everything I can to go forward and do the right things.  I wrote my therapist a letter with the stuff I just could not say to her.  She read it and we talked about it.  I have stayed in touch with some of the girls I was there with and that is AWESOME!  I even sat down with my mom to try to talk to her about my SI and that I am still having difficulties with it and would like her help.  We have never had a serious talk about my SI and I felt it was necessary.  I didn’t even get out two sentences when she laughed at me and asked “didn’t they teach you down there that you have no power?”  I wanted to tell her that they taught me the opposite, that I do have power and not to let anyone take it away.  Instead, I ran out of her house crying.  That was 2 weeks ago.  My sister doesn’t talk to me and hasn’t really since I told her of my rapes and sexual assaults.  I told her while I was in Texas.  My dad doesn’t think I should ever have another bad day and if I do, he says SAFE wasn’t worth it.  He helped financially for me to go there, so he likes to remind me that “it was expensive so it better have worked”.  I relapsed again so I know I need to work harder.  I’m in school and that is my only distraction.  My mind seems to make everything else that is positive into everything negative.  I am so scared and I keep telling my therapist, doctor, and caseworker.  But ultimately it is my responsibility.  Both SI and suicidal thoughts are there almost all the time.  I am holding on, but I fell like I am losing my grip.