some people say venting your feelings is better than keeping them bottled up so here i go i feel like everyone in my life is trying to control everything i do and its scaring me i dont want si to be an addiction like if your a smoker and your dying for a cig i dont want si to control my life i want control over my life i dont want si to be an addiction i iwant somebody to care about me to tell me they love me and there proud of me that ive made them happy that ive made them happy in some small way and that they love me for me i know this sounds ridiculous for a 14 year old i just want someone to listen maybe if im not here and i escape for good maybe somebody will miss me at the start of the summer i stopped si but by the time school came round id started again my conscienes is always at me im always feeling guilty because if my mam found out id started si again she’d never speak to me again even though she hates me now id be a disgrace to myself and everybody else i m constantly thinking if i keep how im feeling to myself nobody would look at me like im a freak theyd think i was normal i just want to be accepted as me for me if that cant happen maybe i was put on this earth to be made a fool of and to be an outcast because its what ive been my entire life
that is how i feel too. I want people to care for me and love me and understand. they always say they know how im feeling but they dont. in the movies there are two best friends who always do everything together and talk every night on the phone. Ijust wish i had a close friend like that who i can tell everything to. Im afraid that the people who know about what i do, will hate me or thing im stupid. When my parents found out they acted so weird. it was good that they knew so i could see a therapist but still it changed my whole life. i hate being around my parents because im afraid of what they are thinking about me. im scared that they think im a failure or that ive ruined my life. my life is to hard and just wish somedays that it could be all over
thanks for responding thats how i feel around my parents too,its good your seeing a therapist you have somebody to talk too im constantly thinking im a failure and i always want my life to end like you i have no one to talk to the world is like a heartless place what if all someb ody wanted was love and some affection in their lives and the person that was supposed to give that love and affection didnt and didnt care what was that person supposed to do what if that person got more and more lonely and decided they were sick of the lack of love and affection and killed them selves wat would the person thats supposed to care do then would they miss them?would they carry on with the way life was before?would they forget about them?
where are you from crazystar?
ofcourse they would miss the person if the person killed themselves. NO ONE could not miss a person if they were dead especially if they were family. sometimes i feel depressed and think my parents dont give a crap about me but then i remember that even though they scream at me all the time they still love me…do you have a therapist? if you dont i think you should get one. having a therapist has made things better for me. You can always talk to me if you want to. i live in California. how about you?
i disagree im a 110% sure that if that person were dead then they wouldnt miss them my parents dont love me
nope dont have a therapist i wanna talk to someone but dunno who thanks im from ireland
“they don’t love you”…that sucks
even though i don’t no you, if you died i would miss u because now that we’ve talked a bit i would feel horrible. and I’m serious
woah ireland! that’s sooo cool
why would you miss me im not worth being missed thanks for saying that thougn it means alot ireland sucks california sounds so cool
i know that u think ur not worth being missed but YOU ARE. i believe everyone is important no matter what they think. i would DEFINATELY miss talking to you here because i love to be able to talk to people who have been through the same things as me and dont think im crazy for self injuring. i havent SI since june and august and ive been trying not to SI at all anymore but today i was soo tempted to. i swear i was about to. i was in the worst mood today. but then i realized how much my friends mean to me and how i know they love me and they would be really hurt to find out that i injured again and if my parents found out then the crying would never end. life is so hard but it IS worth living. im just learning how to live a happy life and it gets so hard but then sometimes i forgot about all my troubles and just laugh and have fun. you should do something fun this weekend or something that is relaxing.
oh and california is cool i guess, theres lots of fun places but seriously ireland sounds like a VERY interesting place to visit. i want to travel all over the world
im not and i know im not i last si 2 days ago thats brillant you have si thats fantastic,im always temted to si ireland is boring the weather is shocking i cant think of doing anything relaxing to do ive got tons to do i wanna travel to new york it sounds cool
wait quick question, do I have to write SI? I guess that is what is says on top of the page….
well i actually just injured again yesterday. whats the weather like there? in california last week i was freezing and now its so unbelieveably hott
yeah ive never been to New York. its sounds sooo interesting to go there i also wanna go there. wat tons of stuff do you have to do? homework?
itr really bad its raining tons ya ive to study and write essays i love school just not homework im really secretive with si and since ive developed an ed its been really hard how long have you been si?
do you want my email address so we can talk?
since you developed an ed? whats an ed??
the first time i ever SI was in april
yeah whats your email adress??
an eating disorder im bulimic
ive been si for about 10 months
whats yours?lonscobh@hotmail.com
oohh. mine is crazystar444@ca.rr.com