some people say venting your feelings is better than keeping them bottled up so here i go i feel like everyone in my life is trying to control everything i do and its scaring me i dont want si to be an addiction like if your a smoker and your dying for a cig i dont want si to control my life i want control over my life i dont want si to be an addiction i iwant somebody to care about me to tell me they love me and there proud of me that ive made them happy that ive made them happy in some small way and that they love me for me i know this sounds ridiculous for a 14 year old i just want someone to listen maybe if im not here and i escape for good maybe somebody will miss me at the start of the summer i stopped si but by the time school came round id started again my conscienes is always at me im always feeling guilty because if my mam found out id started si again she’d never speak to me again even though she hates me now id be a disgrace to myself and everybody else i m constantly thinking if i keep how im feeling to myself nobody would look at me like im a freak theyd think i was normal i just want to be accepted as me for me if that cant happen maybe i was put on this earth to be made a fool of and to be an outcast because its what ive been my entire life