okay, let’s just get right down to it shall we? i am a jerk, borderline sociopath. i truly do not care for others feelings and i have no emotions myself. for f___s sake what does she want from me? she has me on this pedestal and has all this hype around me and wanting this and that from me! she told me tonight that she wanted to hear it come out of my mouth…”tell me you don’t want to date me.” … “i don’t want to date you.” naturally we get back into this huge bickerment with one another. i don’t want to deal with it anymore. i feel lost here. i feel like i should just up and give a crap . but i don’t. my intentions were never meant to hurt her. how many times must i say to people don’t get too close or too involved! but no, no one listens to me and then everyone gets bent backwards and i end up looking like the complete and total jerk of the scene. i don’t care, i don’t care, i don’t care! we’re not in a relationship! does she not get that? you know what, it comes down to me, basic straight up self-reliance and forget anyone else who gets close or even wants to! self-preservation. you know what, i can’t deal…i need a cigarette.