so this past weekend was horrible. My brother came back from Texas…he just got out of the Army and blames me. I feel so guilty…not about my brother blaming me for stuff though. I don’t know why but it is just a strong feeling and it is making me sick. It is also bringing on bad feeling that i have felt in the past along with the memories that are associated with it. I don’t know what is going on…i guess my brain decided its wants to go down memory lane. So on top of feeling extreme guilt (for nothing, i havent done anythiing wrong) i feel panic. I am worried something is going to happen. This i know what it is from….my brother telling me that we might have to go to court- (over custody issues with is kids)….i’m worried about everything….that some how all this will get turned around on me and they bring up all the bad things i’ve done in my life and use it against me and i go to jail or something… I dont know, I’m just thinking crazy like that i guess. I havent done anything bad to go to jail….i dont think…i’m a good person, i always try to do the right thing. All of this has been making me feel so hopeless…not SI anymore…it doesnt take away pain anymore. I keep thinking about how i would end it and what would happen….I’m too chicken of course to do it but its just been on my mind for awhile now. it’s nothing new. anyways, just venting….no one respond….i dont want to feel even more guilty…………