Today marks three months that I haven’t SI. I’m feeling stressed out (I’m trying to get a new place to live), feeling like I’m scattered in a million direction and can’t get it together and on top of that since I’m basically not feeling a thing I want to SI. That was the way I was able to feel something so I feel alive because right now I’m feeling dead. I can’t believe the urge to SI on a day that I’m suppose to be happy about it just doesn’t make sense. I called my therapist up and she told me to take one of my klopin to relax and get pass the feelings. I’ve been on the go for the past week and every time I stay still I still feel as if I’m in motion. I know you can never go back, but it’s times like this I miss the S.A.F.E. program and all it’s therapist and mental Health Worker just to talk through this without acting out like I want to. I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight because I know it’s a choice that only I can make and my therapist told me it’s not an option. How can I get through this without acting because I feel it’s the only way.