I am such a failure…and freak. I don’t understand why I didn’t turn to something more socially acceptable like alcohol as a negative coping skill; When I go to SAFE Intensive next week, no one will see my scars, although I’ve had several trips to both the operating room and emergency room due to my SI. What if I die from this? I’m so tired!!! And in a lot of discomfort. I’d much rather die than continue this struggle!!! I plan to give the SAFE program my ALL. My life depends on it; it is my last hope. I’m so scared! What if it doesn’t help? Will I be seen as a freak even at SAFE because of where I SI?
Don’t think they will be judging you…… they are all there for the same reason as you. Unfortuatly SI is your coping skill and they will help you overcome that, but only if YOU WANT TO STOP and are willing to try. Everyone SI different places, so don’t feel like you are in the spotlight because its not a common place that everyone else does it….you know what i mean? I can imagine you feeling nervous and scared about this program, its something new and you don’t know what to expect. Just try to get yourself prepared by asking the admission people questions on what happens when you get there and try to keep in the back of your mind that after all this treatment, you will feel better- have a support grp- friends- and hopefully some new ways of coping. Keep your head up, everything will be ok.
remember- positive attitude, everyone else has the same problem, be true to yourself, and you have to want to get better……
i too felt like a freak and thought SI’ing was the only way to cope, but I was wrong. I was so scare that this was the only way, but when I got to Texas and started the program each day got a little. You’ll meet people that you will see won’t judge not even the therapist over judges you and ever one will something or another thing in common with you. Just keep saying “I will survive” because you will so just take baby steps and everything else will fall into place. I know you can do it. If you need to talk you can e-mail me at: denny666@verizon.net I’ll be thinking about you.
Don’t worry about people judging u at S.A.F.E. I was worried that i would be judged as well. but once i went everyone was very accepting of me. S.A.F.E. is a great program but it only works if you really truly want to get better and your willing to work. I know uv probably heard that like a million times but its so true. I didn’t truly decide that i wanted to quit until about my fourth week in safe. i was in the adolescent intensive program and i was in Texas for six weeks total. 2 impatient and 4 outpatient and it sucks at first but it really does help.
Don’t worry- no one will see you as a freak. When I was there, I remember seeing where peoples’ scars were, but it was never an “OMG” thing, or even an indication of how people were doing. Some peoples’ scars were worse than others, some had visible scars and some didn’t. The emphasis is all on the feelings and thoughts behind self-injury, anyway, so the actual type and location not only doesn’t matter, but isn’t even brought up in group. Triggering is very discouraged, and I’m pretty sure the only times I actually talked about it with anyone were with two girls who had different methods than me, so we weren’t in danger of triggering each other. So don’t worry about it.
Dont worry Tracey-no one will think of you as a freak at SAFE-and you WILL be amazed at the amount of support and motivation that you feel from just meeting the other patients. I was always amazed at the amount of motivation I felt within the group room-Its definitely a battle in the beginning.. thinking to yourself what am i doing here? but once you give it a chance you will realize how amazing SAFE truly is. keep your chin up and remember to work the program!!
*hugs*
Cassie
Something I would like to add is that there is always someone – even if it is just one person – that cares about you and WANTS you. Even if you feel as though you would rather die than continue to struggle, please keep that in mind – even though you have not found that person yet, there is someone waiting to find you, or waiting to be found.
when i went to safe i worried the same thing. people didnt care what or how i did the things i did. details arent even mentioned there. no one will judge u. they arent there to judge