I couldn’t agree more with two of the previous posts about how hard it has been to transition back home from SAFE Intensive. It’s a battle-every day I feel like some new challenge has been thrown my way, which I suppose is how life is supposed to be. I’ve had some extremely trying moments but thankfully utilizing my list of alternatives has worked for me. I try to remind myself of all of the verbalization that I did while at SAFE and though I remember all of the tears and the pain associated with me actually hearing myself talk… I also remember the tremendous amount of support and acceptance and how I wasnt branded the outcast and how my other peers could relate to my situation in some way to not make me feel so isolated. Along with remembering how a little ‘weight’ was lifted in ‘speaking the pain.’ That has helped me get through some rough spots. Im learning that I need to ASK for help when I need it. That people arent magically going to know that I NEED to talk unless I say so. That though the ‘third’ part of treatment sucks, its possible to ‘get through’. Because remember guys we “GET TO!”.

 I agree that I am finding it hard to log at home, I feel like its all repetitive… but even if it is, that is OKAY. I remember being at SAFE last month and it being okay to write the same impulse log three or four times-so why in my brain is it not okay now? and thats just it. it is OK to write the same thing ten times-even IF it SEEMS repetitive, because each time I am getting a little bit more of it out of me. and onto paper.

Funny too, how I feel like I went through a triathalon at SAFE and now Im kind of merely taking a baby step forward as the days pass.. I feel like at SAFE someone hit the ‘fast forward’ button and now Im back in regular motion and I dont know what to do with that. I suppose it felt like that because I knew that my days at SAFE were numbered. Im not really sure how to take steps forward now.. I feel like Im stumbling over my own two feet constantly. I need to figure out where I want to go now in ‘therapy’ (if only that were a simple question) *sigh*

“second by second

hour by hour

day by day

conscious choice.”

I just keep trying to remind myself that even if I have to take each second of each day as it comes-that I can continue to heal. even when it feels impossible.