My daughter has a friend who I did not want her to be friends with, she was mean to her other friends and I could not understand why she want to stay friends with her. Anyway on going fighting in the house about this until one day my daughter said mom you do not understand. It took another few weeks of fights until my daughter broke down and told me she is SI. My daughter is the only one she talks to and calls her when ever she is feeling like or is SI herself. I have seen a change in my daughter since she as told me, like the weight has be lifted of her shoulders, but how do I help her help her friend? I cannot let anyone know I know, or my daughter fears her friend will stop talking to her, and if that was to happen and she really hurts herself my daughter would feel responsible. Need help for both anyone have any answer????
Well, it could help for you to go online and look at the statistics and facts about SI, and sit down with your daughter and talk to her about it. Maybe you can tell your daughter that if her friend needs to talk to her, that your daughter can talk to you about what they discussed and you can help your daughter out with helping her friend. maybe go to a local library and check out some books about SI, about coping with it, helping people who struggle with it, maybe that will help as well. You can always email me, if you have any questions or need any further help with this situation. Sometimes, it can take a person who deals with SI to help another person who does, so maybe you and I can be sort of the middle woman to help your daughter help her friend, without her friend knowing that she talked to anyone about it, and without your daughter knowing that you talked to anyone about it.
My email is:
Sarah_Valo18@yahoo.com
well… i could offer alot of suggestions.. you could e-mail me if you want..
It really depends on how old your daughter is…because i think it would be great if you could get involved and try to help her friend too.. her friend is probably insecure and has no one to to turn to and it would help to maybe have a motherly figure that she could go to.. its a very touchy process but she needs to feel loved and not threatened by both of you.
don’t ever threaten to take her to the hospital that won’t help..
it’s hard to write all i’m thinking so fast.. but .. if you would like to e-mail me feel free.
kelandjess@yahoo.com
i will be glad to talk to you further about this..
i’m a 26 year old self mutilator.. but i have somewhat of a grip o mine… if there is such a thing..
I really do think that, as an adult, this is something you have to tell her school about. I wouldn’t tell her parents directly, but I would call her school counselor or school social worker and explain the situation. I understand your daughters fears, but your daughter really isn’t equipped to handle this and your daughters friend needs professional help.
I would encourage you to give the other girl the link to this website. Either have your daughter give it to her, or you give it to her. That way she could find some other ways to get help, rather than solely relying on your daughter. Relying on just one person rarely works – that person can’t be available 24/7, especially if it’s another teenager. She needs to find other supports – such as this blog, talking to a teacher or counselor at school or wherever else she goes. She could also read the book “Bodily Harm” as it may help her to understand more about her behavior.
Best wishes, Pam (from S.A.F.E. Alternatives)
i would encourage you to tell someone who can do somthing about this but not tell your daughter that you are doing this. My friend told her mom about my si and thenher mom told my mom. i ended up going throuth the safe program because my si got out of control and i found out about my friend telling her mom about a week after i came home at that point i was upset but i wasnt mad at her because i had gotten the help that i needed. about a week ago i found out that her mom was the one that had told my parents. i thought that she hadnt told her mom until after my parents found out. i wasnt mad just surprised because i had already gotten the help i needed. I said somthing to my friend about it and it turned out that she had absolutly no idea. now you may be thinking that my friend just lied to me but i know when my friend is lying and she really had no idea that her mom had done this. It saved me a lot of friend problems because on top of being a bad liar my friend is terrrible at keeping secrets from me and she would have told me if she knew and i can almost garentee that i would have been a lot less forgiving if this happened before i went into treatment. i wish you luck because you are in a really hard spot.
-balletfreak
I completely DISAGREE with what Labyrinth says.
Whatever you do, DO NOT tell the school counselor. That’s the most humiliating thing you could do.
This is a very difficult situation to deal with. Because it is dealing with the life of another. It’s even harder if you haven’t dealt with S.I before. Talk to your daughter. Make sure she knows that she’s dealing with a very delicate situation and the she needs to be there for her friend. Make sure that her friend knows she loves her and will be there for her. And make sure that her friend KNOWS SHE IS LOVED. That’s one VERY IMPORTANT part of depression.
One of the first people to find out about my SI was one of my teachers. She was more like a mom to me and I trusted her with my life. After she found out, and saw how bad it was, she told the school counselor and the principal. I was very lucky to have gone to a small school and have the counselor and principal as well as my teachers to support me. Instead of sending me away or something like that, they kept tabs on me and were there for me whenever I needed them. I’m not sure of the exact situation, but I do know that your daughter shouldn’t have to deal with this on her own. I also know this from personal experience. I had a friend that SI’d and he took his life. I feel like if I had told someone then it wouldn’t have happened. So, maybe a teacher or school counselor isn’t the best person to tell, but you should tell someone that knows about this sort of thing. If something ever happened to your daughter’s friend, she may never forgive herself, and you might feel the same way. Telling someone else isn’t the ulitmate betrayal, it could ultimately save that person’s life.