SAFE was great and I learned a lot of new things. I learned a lot about myself and my feelings and the core issues behind my SI. I made new friends there and really felt like people understood me. I could relate to a lot of my peers and the therapists were awesome. When I got home I did okay for a while and felt like I had a new start. But I had no structure and felt like I returned to where nobody understands. I am having trust issues with my therapist and don’t know how to get past that. I have new issues that have come up that scare the heck out of me and it is hard to tell her those things. But I am. When I cannot verbalize it, I write it. I need to get it out and not avoid the issues. But it took me until yesterday to tell her my biggest problem and I wrote it out and dropped it off at her office today. She’ll get it on Monday when she gets in. Then we’ll discuss it at my next session. I’m scared. I don’t know why I can’t talk to her. But it’s leading to my downfall. I SI’d twice this week for the first time since I have been home and that scares me too. I can’t give up. I have my room decorated with my snaps and my diploma, so that helps. I need to move forward but I miss the support I had down there. I need to establish that here. I miss you all. I wish I could have taken each one of you home with me! I am looking forward to returning to school on Oct. 2nd. That will really help!
From my daily meditation book:
“No outside circumstances will offer us full time and forever the security we all long for. And in like manner, none will adversely interfere with our well-being, except briefly and on occassion.
The program (12 steps) offers us the awareness that our security, happiness, and well-being reside within. The uplifting moments of our lives may enhance our security, but they can’t guarantee that it will last. Only the relationship we have with ourselves and (our higher power) within can promise the gift of security.”
Book: Each Day a New Beginning, Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey
((((Erin)))) sending safe hugs your way-
Keep your chin up girl you WILL and CAN get through this-Its awesome that you are finding ways to tell your therapists the core issues, you need to get them out and its awesome that you are finding alternate ways to ‘verbalize’ what happened-it WILL make the ‘load’ on your shoulders SOOO much lighter-i promise- if you need anything- Im just a phone call or text away.
love ya miss ya
Cassie
I too miss all the support of Texas like the groups and just having a mental health worker there to talk to if you needed it. I miss all my peers who I made friends with and I never really make friend because of trust issue.