Right now I’m tired and feeling really depressed about things.  I’m trying to get out of where I live (I was abuse in this place).  I’ve actually started looking for a new place, but when you live in New York it’s not easy.  I can’t help, but feel like giving up because I feel that it won’t work out you see I’ve always had this theory that nothing ever works out for me.  On top of wanting to give up I also want and feel the need to SI.  I want to do it because then maybe I’ll stop thinking about hunting for a new place.  I just feel like everything has closed in and I can’t get out and when I can’t get out that is when if feel the need to SI so my focus is on something else.  The funny thing is that I went through the program and have been SI free for two months, but still the urge is really high and I don’t know what will happen tonight.  I really don’t know.