Well, my ex-girlfriend injures, a lot. My problem is I don’t know how to help her. She won’t go see a therapist and she won’t even talk to anyone else about her life but me. No one else know about her SI or any of the other problems she ahs been having, only me. I want to help her get out of this rut she is in but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to get through to her. I know she wants out as well but I feel like she trying to fix her problems. Can someone help me? Any advice?
You need to get some support for you during this time and try setting some boundaries between the two of you. You do not need to take the full force of all of her emotional expression, meaning she needs to find more than just one person to confide in. Her constantly unloading on you can damage the relationship, as there is less give and take and mutual exchange going on.
Try encouraging her to talk to other people. If this doesn’t work, then limit how much she says to you. You don’t have to be the sole bearer of her problems, confessions, and confidentiality. She needs to develop relationships with others, like a support system, but she won’t be able to do this without the people in her life who love and support her (like you) setting and KEEPING boundaries.
I am not saying to push her away, I am saying start looking out for yourself. Find someone for you to talk to and find someone who can help you set boundaries with her… such as not talking about her problems when you hanging out watching tv or not picking up your cell phone when she calls you at 215am, crying and in hysterics over something. Turn your phone off and or don’t take her phone calls when it isn’t the best time for you. You might also find support and relief from this situation by spending time with your other friends doing things you enjoy.
Ask her about joining an online support group, or a physical one. I know is horrible advice, but remember that whether or not she gets better is up to her. You can support her, but you can not make her stop.
My suggestion is to just let her know that you are there for her.
I notice that in order for people to make a change they need a sense of confidence, the belief that they will complete her goal. Maybe you can help her build a self confidence, so that she can start believing that she can stop harming herself.
I notice that part of the reason why people have so much trouble quitting is because they do not trust themselves in “their own hands”. Try to ensure her that she is really a great person, and not enemy she percieves herself as.