I treat myself like crap some times. I just noticed this today. I was in my gym class and we talked about self-esteem and stuff. I found out that I’m antisocial and hard to get along with. (My friends say outerwise) but then again my guidence consulors say they might as well just be hurting me. Anyways My newest pain is myself. I found this out as I was writing my poetry. My friend told me I was expressing what I couldnt injure onto myself with my dark poems and she was actually scared of them. I couldn’t stand having my friend upset so I took out my anger on my paper and almost hit some of my friends. I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. then I talked to my therapist and she doesn’t even want me to go to school she says that she doesn’t think that I’d be safe in my school enviroment. I don’t even know what to do right now.
I’m scared and I don’t trust myself not to SI. I have gone about 4 days with out it. but i have no clue what i’m really doing . I joined to get help but everyday it kinda gets worst. My father keeps telling people like my life is the best news in the world. It really pisses me off. That just helps fuel the fact I want to SI. Oh lord help me. I know its not right to blame others for my problems its just the small things that are starting to hurt me the most like the smallest injury hurts the most.