Right now all I can feel is numb and it’s deeper than it’s ever been.  Right now all I could think about and have thought about is wanting to SI.  I feel that it could replace the numb feeling and give me something else to think about.  It’s like I could imagine myself doing it.  At least for the past few days I’ve been trying to push my therapist/psychiatrist out of my life because it is not worth anything.  I keep them that I look around and all I can see are people who are worth more than I’ll ever be and I just want to go back.  I figure that if they are out of my life it will make whatever choices I make a lot easier and if they no longer treat me it’s out of their hands.  This has been going on for a while now feeling like I’m worthless and that if anybody wants they could step all over me and I won’t even move I’ll make it easy.  All I know is that right now I’m feeling nothing and is worth nothing.  It’s kind of hard to worth something if everybody around you makes at least 5 time more than you do a year.  I don’t know what tonight is going to bring and I don’t want to say anything, but all I know that I really can’t feel anything and all I want to do is feel something, anything.  My favorite saying is that “I am less than zero.”