I’m under a lot of stress right now because my life has turned a full 300 degrees in the last 2.5 weeks. I have changed jobs/ careers (got fired, interviewed for a couple jobs, took a new job and then quit it, finally took a full-time position elsewhere), gone from working all night long to working all day long, my nerve damage has flared up quite badly in both my hand and ankle, and I have financially hit a very low bottom… to the point where not only my electricity has been turned off, but I also received an eviction notice on my apartment! I eventually paid my rent, but I still believe it is time for me to move.
Anyway… I am proud to say I have only slipped up once in all of this time and it was right at the beginning. Today was a really hard day, as I saw some really close friends at church who I hadn’t seen since everything came crashing down. I actually told her what was going on and didn’t hold back, like I thought I would if I saw her. I also blurted out what was going on to another friend when she called me back this afternoon, after I had called her in a panic a little while before and then hung up on her. I have cried and cried and cried, but I haven’t hurt myself. I have only slipped up once in the last 2.5 weeks with the specific behavior I’m trying to eliminate from my life in terms of self-injury – I also haven’t depended on my other methods of self-harm as much lately either… so I’m making progress, despite feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and the sharp edges of the falling stars.
I just wanted to post something positive related to my struggles with self-injury. I’m trying to recover and it’s hard. It is a moment by conscious moment struggle for me. I hate how much it has impacted my life and I’m attempting to regain control over my behaviors.