Right now I’m aching to hurt myself and just get it out of my system.  I’ve been feeling kind of lost without SI and I always want and try to pick a fight with my therapist and psychiatrist and I keep telling them why don’t you hurt me (I know they can’t touch me) you know you want to.  I can’t stand not hurting myself or having someone else do it as stupid as this sounds I miss it.  It’s like having a missing piece of a puzzle and trying to figure out where it belongs it’s just not right.  What do I do?  The weekend is here and this is the hardest times for me because I feel like the days drag and it’s like I get this itch because I still can’t get used to the fact that there are different way.  I told both my therapist and psychiatrist that I want to feel other than lost and that is where is all begins for me and that is the way I’m starting to feel today it’s like I just want to go back to old standby because I am lost and hurting.  This is crazy right I graduated the program and I’m still feeling lost without SIing.  Does this also mean I’m  a failure.