Hi Im Sasha. Im new to this site. I am 18. I was in the S.A.F.E program back in February. It really helped but it didnt last long because I was in a short-term hospital at the time. So yeah I would really like to get back in the program but I only have Medicaid til the end of this month. I recently S.I about 3 days ago. I know this is a stupid reason but it had a lot to do with my ex-boyfriend.

We were together almost 3 months. We were living together with his family. I came home for a week to visit my family and I ended up cheating on him. He found out a month later and told me he would give me another chance but then I guess he changed him mind. Now I am back home with my grandmother. Trying to find a job and save the money to get a G.E.D.

I am really depressed. I can barely sleep and I cant stop thinking about him. I am trying sooooo hard to get him back. I have been talking to him on the phone for the past 2 days.  I actually asked him to give me another chance. He told me he would think about it. That was on Monday. Its almost Wednesday (11:42pm).  I talked to him earlier and he told me he would call me back but he never did.

I keep beating myself up over this. I feel so guilty. I shouldnt have cheated on him. He knows how sorry I am. I just want him back. I really want to S.I right now. He knows I did it a few days ago. He was upset. He told me if I did it again he would stop talking to me. Which would make things 10,ooo times worse. I just dont know what to do.

I am considering hospitalization again. I need something. I am not on any meds anymore. I havent been for 4 or 5 months. I really need some advise. 

-Sasha