so, i posted a couple days ago when i had a relapse after 7 months of not s.i. i thought that was just a minor slip up and i was done. but today i did it again. i really don’t know what to do. i don’t want to do this, but i can’t not. its an addiction. i really cannot stop. god.

what caused it was my mom. she pretty much always causes it. she’s constantly criticizing me.  it gets exhausting. today, she got me some sushi from safeway that i could pack in my lunch tomorrow, but when i got home i was really hungry so i just ate it for a snack. and she got mad at me for eating for a snack! she’s so ridiculous. ugh she has problems. i hate her when she acts like this. she treats me like im a horrible person when i don’t even do anything to deserve it. i mean, she got mad at me for eating sushi as a snack. i really hate her sometimes. now, many of you will say, “you should talk to your mom”, but that simply is not an option. so don’t even suggest that.

i just really want to stop. but really, i know none of you can make me stop. you may write some encouraging words and tell me that its hurting me and i shouldn’t do it, but i already know all this. i just need to break the addiction. but i have no idea how i am going to do this. i THOUGHT i was cured. i hadn’t done it for 7 months. i was convinced i had stopped for good. i don’t even know how this happened. how did i slip up again? how?? i haven’t had the urge to s.i. in months. things have been bad with my mom this summer, but i never once slipped up. why now? ughh, it’s SO frustrating.