Today i really am struggling with wanting to S.I.  I feel so defeated with everything going on right now. The weekends seem to be the worst! especially lately. nothing seems to go right and its all out of my control. i hate that! I’m really trying to put my focus back to where it needs to be and i want to but my hearts just not in it and i’m not sure why. i really wish it was!!!! I don’t want to disappoint anybody so i’m going to keep working on it, no matter how hard or how much i just want to say forget it. Besides I really want to beat this so i can’t give up.