Ive been thinking so much about SAFE. and how much I miss being there and feeling like I have a world of support and motivation just sitting in the PHP group room with Kristen or Lauren or Suja and the other girls. And then to realize that, to stay there isnt realistic.. kind of sucks. I’ve learned that logging even thouh sometimes I think that its silly, totally helps me when I am able to look back at it-and really figure out what I was/am feeling.. in more specific detail. Im 29 days self injury free today. yay for that!
The whole ‘boundaries’ piece of my life has been skewed for sooo very long, and since I have been home just over a week now.. Im beginning to realize how badly skewed some of the realtionships in my life really ARE. (even if I dont really want to admit that) So Im trying to figure out what boundaries would be appropriate and how to ‘enforce’ them without having people freak out that things have never been that way before. But Im realizing too that I NEED to take care of ME before anything else in my life. Its hard but Im finding that because I am keeping that in the forefront of my mind Ive been able to get through the crappy moments and still maintain boundaries with toxic people in my life.
Ive been home for ten days now.. and so far I am feeling sooo fantastic. My job screwed me however and took away my position, so that has been semi-stressful yet at the same time I am amazed at myself for being to handle it without freaking out, or self injuring. Ive been able to maintain my composure and handle/deal with/sit with my emotions surrounding that without falling into old behaviors and that to me is progress in such huge ways for me.