hey. sooo, i used to visit this site a lot back in november through february. in february, i finally stopped SI for good. or at least, i thought so. now, im not going to make this into some big, huge, dramatic saga about my “depressing” life because frankly, im not depressed. i was definitely depressed back in the winter, but i really am not anymore. i am stressed out though. mostly because of school. but its not even just that. im justt.. RESTLESS. anyway, long story short, i injured myself tonight. after 7 months! i honestly thought i was finished with it. but, what do you know, i SI. it wasn’t severe though. sooo im not really sure why im even writing this. i don’t really want help. actually, i don’t want help at all. i don’t think i need help. i mean, i think my SI is under CONTROL now. i can CHOOSE to stop if i want to. 8 months ago, this was not the case. it was an ADDICTION that took A LOT to break. and then i finally broke it. or at least i thought. but i think this episode tonight was a result from the excessive eating i did today. i have been watching what i eat for about a month and i think today i just CRACKED and ate and ate and ate. NOT GOOD. so i think my SI was a form of punishment. i mean, that’s what it was in the past so im assuming this is the same. but not even just that. it just feels GOOD. its such a stress reliever. and i just felt like i needed it. and it actually did make me feel better.
so i suppose the point im trying to make is, is SI really a problem if its VERY mild and under control? i mean, theoretically, im hurting myself, but technically, im really not. i guess i look at it like alcohol. alcohol is fine if you drink it in moderation, but very detrimental if you abuse it. i think SI is the same way. what i would do in the winter was definitely harmful to myself and a severe problem. but i feel like im cured and this little “relapse” was just “one glass of wine” so to speak. its not like I downed “3 shots of vodka”. do you all know what im saying? IN SHORT, is SI really a problem if its very mild? or simply a stress reliever?