I’m stummbling downwards once again. September really isn’t a good month for me, and it’s hitting me heard this year. My Grandpa passed away on September 11th a few years ago, and it always gets to me…. not that I didn’t expect that, but I just didn’t expect it to throw me off this bad. I feel like SI’ing so bad, but I know that if my Papa Ray knew that I was doing that he would be disappointed in me. I would never want to disappoint him, ever. But I just don’t know what else to do, SI has been my only “friend” through the bad times, I just need someone to be able to talk to about this. I mean, I have friends and all, but none of them understand this. I’ve been paranoid I guess you could day, and I’ve been thinking that no one really wants to talk to me, that all my friends are ignoring me. I went to the doctors recently, and the doctor came back to the room with the “moody disorder survey” she had me fill it out and then went tand talked to someone. When she came back she said that they think that I’m bipolar and would greatly benifit to going to see a psychologist and psychiatrist. I told my mom that, and she said that maybe I am, that I show certain “traits” that people who are bipolar have. Then a few days later, in front a friend she was talking about this, and the friend said that I’m not bipolar, and then my mom agreed with her. I don’t know if I am… and they don’t know… but there was some big fuss about it. I just need someone that understands me, that I can talk to. I don’t even know if this rambling made any sense…. I just need someone to listen to me and talk to me, without making judgements or starting an arguement, which seems to be all that people in my life seem to do…..