Originally posted on 8/8/2008:
Two weeks from know I will be at the program feeling alone and scare and not knowing what to expect from myself and the program. I’ve gone over and over in my head that this is for the best and that this may help me get a jump start on no hurting myself anymore. I’ve gone through most of why don’t I say all of my life hurting myself and thinking that’s the only coping skills that I have which I’m good at. I’m really not into much of anything else besides continuing what my relatives had started when I was a kid I really hadn’t been shown anything different in life expect how do we hurt Denise now. Believe me when I say everything that can be used was. I’m going to S.A.F.E. to get a new perspective on what I do it and how I could deal with my feelings and not hurt myself that is where I have the problem the coping skills. I have not been shown that there is a better way of dealing with anger and loneliness and all the negative thoughts. I do want to stop, but I don’t know if I will be open enough to hearing other ways since I have this shield that I’ve had up since I could remember. I was told by my psychiatrist that I would have knock down the shield and trust other people and even though I know she is right it’s still hard for me to fathom, but I guess if I want to get a grip on this I’m going to have to so S.A.F.E. here I come.