I was at S.A.F.E. as an outpatient from 8/8 until I graduated on 8/26. I cannot put into words how much I want to thank everyone at S.A.F.E. for being so amazingly supportive. Starting with Pam who did my intake to the amazing people at UBH that somehow got my insurance to listen to them..to Kristen, Lauren, Kristy, & Suja & Dr. Vasavada who were so awesome. (ya’ll rock my face off!)

The amount of motivation that came from my fellow peers definitely allowed me to push myself forward even more then I thought possible.  I never thought that coming home back to Long Island would be so hard. But the past two days have really challenged me to log log log! and reach out for support. I feel like I came from a place of understanding back to a place of total misunderstanding. Its kind of like one of the quotes we used for an affirmation….”There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” -Nelson Mandala.

Ive realized over the past two days that in order to have people attempt to understand you have to communicate appropriately. Ive learned that some so simple as logging is so completely in depth and forces you to dig deeper and find the true emotion and feeling surrounding your impulses. I hate despise sitting with my feelings. Im not sure that I will ever be ‘ok’ with that. BUT I have seen that just sitting with my feelings even though they suck DOES NOT cause me to explode or disintegerate into a million pieces. (like I once thought) Its simply allowing myself to ‘feel’ and ‘be’ and nothing more then that. and that is OKAY. to not do anything more then feel and identify my feelings. I dont have to ‘DO’ anything with them, they can just ‘be’ felt. no physical action of SI needs to be taken because Im sad or angry or happy or helpless or lost. Its okay to have feelings and its my choice to act on them.  Another quote popped into my head just now

” Second by Second

Hour by Hour

Day by Day

Conscious Choice.”

and when Im not feeling great, I’ve looked at my ‘SAFE Camp’ shirt and laughed at the spray butter quote…Lauren Ive added the happy dance to the shirt! right next to the brain drawing of Kristens!

I never fought so hard for something that I thought that I needed until it came to getting into S.A.F.E. I flew to Texas under the assumption that I was going to have to fly back home the next day. All so that I could get a letter of denial, so that I could in turn appeal that letter and get the coverage for S.A.F.E.  The amazing staff at the Care Ctr at UBH somehow got my insurance company to listen to them, and they continued to fight for me when my days were up. So to anyone who is thinking of giving up trying to get there-DONT! its so totally worth every conversation, its worth the trying of every option you have to get yourself there. I know its something that I am so proud to say that I fought for. and in being back home though its been SOOO hard, I know my decision to fight tooth and nail will never be something that I regret. ever.

: )