Im really scared that by reaching out I am going to drive away my treatment team and that they are going to get tired of me and my struggles. Im scared that they’ll leave me. If they do, who do I have left? My mom and I have trust issues. The woman whom I consider my second mother figure was recently diagnosed with ALS and is going through a lot right now, and my best friend is her daughter who is trying to cope with the fact that her mother is going to die way before her time from her illness. My mom is sick with a chronic illness that cant be cured and that eventually kills you. Im scared that Ill lose everyone in my life, Im scared that I’ll drive everyone away if I reach out for help and dont keep my self-injury struggles all to myself.
I reached out to my therapist yesterday when I was in a big danger zone and she was so curt with me. It was so not like her to address me in that way and it just reassured my fears that my treatment team is going to fire me because they are tired of me and my struggles.
My self-injury voice is so strong because it tells me that it’ll always be there for me, but I know that this is a HUGE LIE. IT ONLY HURTS ME AND IS NOT MY FRIEND.