Last night i came to a realization.  Hurting myself isnt going to change the fact that my mom had an affair. It isnt going to change the fact that my parents divorced or that three of my grandparents have died in the last 2 1/2 years. All self harm does for me is help me cope in the moment. but after that it leaves me feeling drained and unhappy. My self harm has ruined my summer. The first four weeks i was basically on house arrest. i had no privacy and i isolated myself all day. The next two weeks i spent at the inpatiant s.a.f.e. facility.  The last 2 1/2 weeks i’ve spent in a hotel in texas going to an outpatian program.  I will be here for at least another week and a half probobly two and a half. I have really decided now that i want to stop. wheras before, i said i was motated and i told myself i was motivated but now i am realizing that i didnt really want to stop.  It has been five days since i last self harmed. i know its not long but its a start.