I am 18 years old and have been self harming since the ending of my seventh grade year. Why do I do it? I’m not sure anymore. Sure my depression has improved. Slightly. But I still feel lonely. I yearn for a partner. I yearn to be better in school. I yearn to make everyone around me happy, while in the mean time, I’m pushing myself farther down. I’d thought about going to a place called Parkside in Tulsa Oklahoma where my friend went. But I’m afraid. I’ll have to put my schooling on hold. I’ll have to leave my job, and chance losing it. Self harming doesn’t necessarily make me feel better anymore. I’ve sorta become numb to it. It’s habit now. To do when I’m down. Sure it helps still, but I don’t see how. It dries my tears. Stops my racing heart. Keeps my hands from shaking with adrenaline. So yeah… I guess it does help… But not in a good way. I really want help but I don’t know where to go or what to do. I’m scared of leaving my family. I can’t afford to really go anywhere for help… I just… I need help. I can’t keep doing this. It just keeps getting worse and worse…