today i really felt motivated that i could beat this and was really excited. But i had some things happen tonight and now i really just want to SI! its so frustrating. i wish this would just go away and that it woudn’t be the first thing that comes to mind after something bad happens. i don’t want it to be like that. i’ve been doing it for so long and it feels like it’ll never end. but i’m determined that i will not SI! but its just so frustrating and even depressing because i feel like i’m leaving behind the only thing thats ‘been there’ and that i won’t have anything to fall back on when things are bad. But i am in counseling, and its going really well, i know it will get easier. its all just so overwhelming sometimes. it feels like this will never end.