I was diagnosed bipolar in middle school when admitted into a hospital for S.I. and I’m taking medication on a daily bases but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I recently started to S.I. again and I hate to say it but it’s almost making life a little bit easier. My first boyfriend was abusive but for some reason I didn’t S.I. then but now small things make me want to. I feel like I have no control over any thing else in my life except for what I do to myself. I have never wanted to die because I have way too much to live for and it would hurt people I love to lose me. When I get into a break down my whole world spins into darkness and I tend to crawl into to a corner and S.I. It’s the only thing that calms me down and gets me grounded. I know it’s not healthy but it seems to be the only thing that helps me be able to face life. I’m not ready to stop but it would be nice to have some one to talk to who understands.
Are you controlling the S.I. or is the S.I. controlling you? When I must resort to hurting myself, it almost shows how I “lack control”… rather than exercise it.
I self-injure, so I’m not judging you, but I have learned from experience that when I hurt myself — it only shows how OUT OF CONTROL I am instead of how much control I truly have over any given situation.
That’s a good point and I can kind of see where you’re coming from. I don’t know what to do instead of S.I. to ease the pain. I have a great boyfriend that I can call and talk to. I also try writing to get my emotions out but neither seem to have the same effect. Do you have any ideas?
I just read the message at the top of the page about using trigger words and I’m really sorry that I used them. I’m glad I read the message and I will refrain from using any of those kinds of words again. Sorry =/
hey, i feel about the same way that you do, I have bipolar and found out i had it when i was eighteen. When i get in a depressive episode i feel like crawling in a corner and crying and si’ing. I do understand.
I understand what you mean.
There are other things that you coudl try to do instead of SI’ing, but it’s different for everyone.
If you ever need to talk, you could email me.
I’m here for you if you need me.
My email is
Sarah_Valo18@yahoo.com
If you can control doing it, you can also control not doing it. I used to feel the same way about my self injury, and now I feel the same way about my lack of self injury. Sometimes, I feel like not doing it is one of the few things I’m doing right, and I feel way more in control without it than with it.