I was diagnosed bipolar in middle school when admitted into a hospital for S.I. and I’m taking medication on a daily bases but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I recently started to S.I. again and I hate to say it but it’s almost making life a little bit easier. My first boyfriend was abusive but for some reason I didn’t S.I. then but now small things make me want to. I feel like I have no control over any thing else in my life except for what I do to myself. I have never wanted to die because I have way too much to live for and it would hurt people I love to lose me. When I get into a break down my whole world spins into darkness and I tend to crawl into to a corner and S.I. It’s the only thing that calms me down and gets me grounded. I know it’s not healthy but it seems to be the only thing that helps me be able to face life. I’m not ready to stop but it would be nice to have some one to talk to who understands.