I don’t even really know where to start. I have been using SI as a coping mechanism for over 15 years. I can’t stop. I can go awhile without doing it, and then something triggers it…and I fall back into the same cycle. I absolutely hate myself. I didn’t have anything worth using today, so I found another way to hurt myself. I don’t know which words I’m allowed to use, so it’s kind of hard to explain what I’m talking about.
I’ve had people tell me they care, but I don’t know why they care…and I feel like they will eventually give up on me like everyone else. I am so scared. I don’t have enough money to go to SAFE. I would already be there if I had the money. I can barely afford counseling. In order to pay for counseling, I just don’t buy groceries.
I’m just scared that this will never go away. And that makes me want to SI even more. It’s obvious that I deserve all this pain. I’m a horrible person. I can’t do anything right. Sometimes it just seems easier to die. Then this would all go away.