Hi?  Is it at all normal to be completely freaked out about even posting on this thing? Because, I totally am.  I’m not exactly sure why I’m freaked out, but I’m guessing it’s because there is a chance that the people who read this possibly know who I am.  I attended the S.A.F.E. Alternatives School of Hard Knocks program in July (’08) and wouldn’t you know it, I was expelled.  Yeah, so I feel like a total behind (censored).  Anyways, I was given the boot, and a couple of days after I got home I self injured out of mere frustration with myself.  I feel like I owe the staff each a kidney, because I could see how frustrated they were with me, and I feel so bad.  To quote the band Bush, “If I had it all again, I’d change it all.”  I know there is a slim chance that I could be accepted back into the program, but at the same time I’m so scared of myself.  I wish I could think of something to say or do that would really manifest just how much I want to stop self injuring.  I “perceive” that every person I made contact with while in Texas was under the impression that I didn’t want to stop.  I do.  God, I do.  I can’t think of really anything else that is holding me back from going out and living and functioning like a normal 25 year old should.  I can’t get a job anywhere, because I can’t put down my one and only job, because I self injured on the job and got fired.  I mean, is there really a point in continuing with my education?  I’ve been in college since about 1854, and I have way too many courses completed to go into some other field.  At the same time,  who in their right mind would hire someone who has been hospitalized in nearly every hospital in the area- all for psych. related issues.  I don’t know a soul in Italy, but I would really like to move there- far far away where it’s not like an episode of Cheer’s, and everybody knows your name.  CUSSWORD!  I’m so friggin frustrated with myself.