I feel like I have been refraining from S.I. because of other’s expectations of me to not hurt myself anymore. I don’t feel like I am doing it for me, which is bothersome. I feel like I have lost my internal motivation to stop harming and this scares me. I have accepted that other people and other things are not what make me hurt myself or what make me stop hurting myself, however “outside influences” do make a difference when I allow them to.
– The summer is almost over and my obsession with getting into a bathing suit has almost completely fizzled out. I bought a suit and have only worn it once in the water, but it wasn’t even around people.
– I can wear long sleeves at both of my jobs, even the one that is extremely hot to work at. People don’t really comment and I just act normal. There is no motivation here.
My overall urges have come back 10fold. I can’t think of reasons to continue refraining, despite being in recovery for over a year… and despite having goals and reaching my goals of not S.I., or doing another type of behavior. The goals aren’t enough anymore and other people telling me I can keep on staying free from it, isn’t working either.
The only factor I can come up with is that my self-esteem and self-confidence have fallen so low lately that I’m not allowing myself to feel whole again. Without self-injury I feel whole and I feel healthier and I feel more complete. I just can’t find my boot straps anymore — they feel lost!!
So… I guess what I am asking here is how, where, and what do you do when you temporarily lose the inner motivation to stop hurting yourself or stop hurting yourself as much?
I’ve been going through some of the same issues lately, and I’ve found that what works for me is to think that even if I don’t feel like I’m doing anything else right, I still have the fact that I’m refraining from self-injury, and I don’t want to give that up.
Self-injury has stripped so much from me, especially when it comes to self-confidence and self-worth. In recovery, the self-worth doesn’t come back as fast as the physical wounds heal.
i know how you feel cause i’m also going through that lack of motivation to keep harm free. i found in those times my music, friends, therapist, and my happy box can really help. i also get out of my appartment and go down to the local nami drop in center wich is were i use the internet too. i also go places that i like, like the pound to see the animals and mybe take one for a walk. or i head to the pet store and look around for things i will or might like to by my animals. i have a bird (‘teil), fancy rat, and dog (pom). so i’m always in need of new animal things. i also found a lady at church that is takeing me to movies that her male family members won’t go to. i also keep a running list of thing to do or to put in my happy box. plus i try to do t’ai chi breathing when i start to feel those feelings. but you need to find what works for you but if you can’t try any of these if you wish. take care and god bless!!