i seem to be messed up for year! i have had to go to therapy for four years. i have had 3-5 different people. i could never get myself to tell them what was really going on with me. lets just say let me go because they thought i was doing good. but i wasn’t. everyday i live with this pain and fear that i can never get better. i feel like my life is over. i cry and i’m tried of it. lately all i’ve been thinking of it S.I. i cant stop the thoughts. i have a wonder daughter. shes the world to me. i think of her for a bit than its back. my pain, my past, everything. never stop. i have talked to people, wrote things down, and nothing. its like i have had to explain myself to so many people that its like nothing has ever happened. i put up a front to everybody so they never see how hurt i am inside. i’m not proud of what i do but its all i no. i say every thing’s fine and ok. but really i”m not. its hard to talk with people without putting up a front. everybody just thinks i’m fine and i have a great life. i don’t. i have had to tell lies my whole life so people don’t think anything is wrong and bad. i dont know how to get past that and voice my pain and tell myself that i will get better and i will overcome this thing i have. i need help and fast before i loss what i have.. what should i do?????????
to get any help at all you have to talk to a therapist. i know how hard it is and it took me a year before i could talk at all. if they think that you are fine then you must be putting up a pretty good act because you are obviously not fine you have to talk to a therapist if you are going to get better it is crucial. You also have to stop putting up this act for everyone because it just makes things a heck of a lot worse and i am speaking from experiance here because i am just starting accept the fact that im not fine and i cant let people think that if its not true.
good luck and remember to TALK
Check into the possibility of attending the S.A.F.E. intensive program. Just call and find out what you would need to do in order to go. I have been struggling a lot with my negative thoughts and urges to S.I. and then actually hurting myself. I decided I can’t go on living like this and that I do need help. I didn’t think it would be possible for me to go to the intensive but with wome planning and time I am going in a couple of weeks. I totally need the support of a group of people who struggle with the same thing that I do. I need to be where people just understand without me having to explain things. I also need to learn some skills I don’t have in order to start making better choices and in dealing with my negative thoughts.
I know exactly how you feel I thought I was doing alright, but whenever I turned around I went back to the pain. I have been 30 days SI free and even though it was hard at the beginning I manage to make it with the help of the program and also coming out and just voicing wants on my mind to start the healing process. If you don’t tell anyone how will they start to understand what is going on with you you have to just let go and begin making them understand if you can’t do it all at once then go to a friend who might help you just by sitting there while you talk to whoever you need to.