i ask you to try, 

to try and understand

how i feel

how i think

why i acted the way i did.

who am i to kid?

who am i to believe that you,

perfect, holy and honest 

could possibly even begin to understand

my psychosis. 

call me crazy, a freak,

straight f*cked up.

call me emotional, unstable,

weak and uncertain.

you may see me this way

you may justify my past with words

society has fabricated but

what you do not understand is all of the above

are true.

call me crazy for bringing you into this way of life, or death.

call me a freak for finding comfort and relief in self injury.

call me straight f*cked up for not wanting help.

i am emotional – you can see it on my skin.

i am unstable – i cannot decide between tools.

i am weak – i wound easily. 

i am uncertain – i do not know if i need help, or am just trying to please you. 

so i do not expect you to understand

why i keep the stale stained tissues,

or why i ______________________

i do, however, hope you understand that

i do not expect nor want you to understand.

because by knowing that you understand what i am going through,

means you are just as corrupted as me.

and i refuse to be responsible for allowing you to be in my situation.

so even though we say that

we are in this together, 

i am still in this alone. 

– zjs.

 _____________________________________________

thank you, for any input you have to offer.