this is my first time posting. ive never done something like this before – go out and just tell people. ive been with my boyfriend for two years and nine months. we are both going to be freshmen in college in the fall, separate universities. he was the one to save me. only two months into dating i had to confess to him how i got the wounds that laced my wrist, my arms, my legs, my hips, everything. as compassionate, devoted and understanding as he is, he did everything in his power to help me. to fix me. i am 31 months clean – i have not S.I. in that time, and i do not intend to for the rest of my life. i dont know if im posting this as a way to cope with the urges that are still overwhelming, or to vent to someone who isnt necessarily even there… but i do know how it feels to go from hurting myself everyday to loving myself. if this small, unimportant post didnt bore you too much or made you laugh at me, i can only hope it gave you some confidence to believe in yourself and not S.I. i still struggle with S.I. everyday, and i cope with my emotions in different ways now, but still hang on to the basic idea of indulging in pain in order to bring relief and comfort. Please contact me if you have any questions, comments, concerns or just need someone to talk to.smallfry539@aol.com
hi i read ur post and im really really happy u haven’t self harmed in this long. im in the S.A.F.E. program and i have been since June 16 and im leaving tomorrow im kind of scared but also very excited and i dont know if i will be able 2 fully stop self harm do you have any advice for me? what is it like to love yourself?
Congrats on making it so long! I am barely at 6months and that has not been without slip-ups.
Please let us know how it goes when you stop hiding yourself. It is wonderful to hear you can actually stop doing it and that you are not willing to let you scars stop you. My scars and self-injury still control my life everyday and I hate it — I so want to be totally clean and not care what others think.
I am really curious how your experiences have been since you just stopped covering up and started living your life. How is your family handling this? Are you afraid of what people might think when you go to college? Just curious… College was a nightmare for me and self-injury and college would have been so much fuller had I not had it in my life.
Good thoughts to you Cosamia. 🙂
College was actually easier for me.
what is SAFE is it a recoveruy thing or something does anyone konw if thers any in ireland?
dear iheartred,
i am very proud of you for going through the program. i didnt do the SAFE program but tried to handle my issues by myself with my boyfriend by my side, which turned out to be very successful. loving yourself is wonderful. although i still S.I. to some extent. i love myself and my body without the constant open wounds. its a very tough struggle, full of ups and downs, but if you believe in yourself you can do it. if i could do it, you can. i always told myself that alex (my boyfriend) loves me when i cannot love myself. without S.I. i thought i could never love myself – but i learned that i can, and i have. you have come far, dont loose it. i trust that you can do it – be safe. email me if you would like to talk (smallfry539@aol.com)
sincerely,
cosamia
cassandra,
six months is a HUGE accomplishment… even just six days. my first six months were not without slip ups either, and i think you should know that it will get easier. not much easier, but you will begin to learn how to control yourself better. although my scars are very prominent and noticeable, i am not afraid of what people may think. if they judge me, so be it. it was a tough four years that i battled S.I. and if people choose to make judgements on me, that is their problem. i am happy in my flesh, scarred or not. as for my family, they do not know, well at least my parents do not, but my sister does. she is proud of me and her support keeps me afloat in all the struggle. i am looking forward to going off to college and meeting new people, and i will not allow S.I. to control me.
i am proud of you for making such a major decision in your life. i am here if you need to talk, just email me if you need any support, anything at all. (smallfry539@aol.com)
sincerely,
cosamia
dear Isi,
thank you very much, your support means a lot!
sincerely,
cosamia