I don’t think there is, at least a life that is fruitful and easy. I almost find it easier to just continue with the negative coping because then at least I have a reason to hide myself.
I consider myself in recovery, but I am questioning why I ever stopped or reducing hurting myself to begin with… Things are more complicated now because my body will forever show the effects of what I have done. My scars aren’t going anywhere. I still can’t wear short-sleeves, go swimming, dress comfortably for the weather, go the doctor, or even be comfortable in my own skin. I risk not getting employed because of how I LOOK, rather than based on my qualifications!
I can’t do normal activities now and at least when I was hurting myself, I had a reason for not doing them — I had to hide open marks and such. Now, I am just hiding the scars… which aren’t nearly as bad, yet I feel more limited now. I am mentally moving forward, but my body is still stuck in the past.
The quality of my life now after being without self-harm is worse than it ever was when I was actively engaging in it! Things don’t make sense now, my behaviors don’t line up with my thoughts. I hate my life more now than I ever did before.
There is no normal life for us after self harm. I’m sure your tired of hearing from me, but it’s true. Now and days employers judge on looks more then qualifications. My advice is face it head on. Don’t be ashamed because it just gives people more reason to judge you. you can’t keep living in fear of what people think of you because if you do your gonna end up worse then you are now. your letting other people dictate your life just because your afraid of your scars. Don’t.
Adults have different sets of issues to deal with than do teens dealing with self-injury. There are some adults out there, like me, who have struggled with self-injury primarily as an ADULT — not as a teen.
Adults have different sets of responsiblities and different expectations placed upon them than do teens. Treatment has to be approached slightly differently… I have heard horror stories about women who have children and their babies get Case Workers as soon as they are born because their mom self-injured. The peers of adults aren’t just the people who are our own age, they are 10-20-30yrs older than us are our in our workplaces doing the same job we are doing. Our peers are parents with toddlers or parents with teenagers (yes there are 40yr olds who engage in self-injury).
It seems like society almost accepts self-injury more with teens than it does with adults. Society has somehow forgotten that the teenagers are growing up or have grown up… Self-injury is more acceptable for teenagers to do than a mother with three kids who is vice president of a bank – stereotyping is terrible.
I’m so tired of being accepted as a teenager. Most people don’t realize that i maybe fourteen, but I’ve got the mind of a 25 year old. I’ve learned stuff most of my friends let alone my mom don’t know how to do. I plan on studying psychology and what do you think my peers will do? Being a psychologist with a past isn’t very common. But I’m trying to tell you that no matter what age we are still judged the same, we all are forced not to have lives after s.i. if by our peers or because of ourselves.
Marz – I disagree with you.
— There are many people who go into the field of psychology because they are wanting to figure themselves out or have a “family interest” in psychology, mental illness, and or disabilities. Some people do it because they don’t have any *background* in the area, but many many people do it because of something that happened to them in their past or something that happened to someone they know… in an attempt to further educate themselves, help others, and even help themselves.
— Treatment of adults with self-injury is different and the issues that adults face are REALLY different than the issues teens face. I have unfortunately engaged in self-injury as both a teen and as an adult. The issues I was experiencing in my life were drastically different as a teenager than what I experience now. There is no way for you to mentally grasp this concept until you have physically gone through it because you are not an adult, you are still a teenager. SAFE also has two different programs, one for those under 18 and one for those over 18… and they do this for a reason.
I am sorry you feel as though you must act like you are 25. You are ACTUALLY a teenager and I cannot stress this enough, but try and make the best of it! Adulthood is really tough, tougher than being a teen because the only person you have as an adult is you – your life completely becomes YOUR responsibility, not that of your mother or your aunt or another adult. You might have adults in your life who are failing you now and I am sorry you are going through that, but they are still to blame for their ignorance. You are not responsible for raising yourself!
One of the big differences is how teens can have adults back them up and it count for something. If your primary care doctor sees something, your mom has the ultimate say about what happens to you — If an adult sees something I have done, they can refuse to treat me without getting a psych referral. If your school counselor says something, your mom can go in and diffuse the situation and take a stand for you (even help you switch schools or “fight” the problem). Your mom can stand up for you and can to your defense. Your parent can be an advocate for you and as an adult, that just doesn’t happen.
I am sorry, Marz, but we are not all not judged the same. You won’t know this until you have lived the journey of your life a little longer. We are not judged the same because society has different expectations of children and teens than what they expect out of adults. People will also judge you different now than they will 10yrs from now because HOPEFULLY the public will have a greater understanding about self-injury then… but it is impossible to predict this factor.