I have decided to try and get healthy, the right way, by exercising more… however it is summer time and well, I have scars. I wouldn’t go out in public with “open stuff” because that is not how I deal with my self-injury. I don’t like others to know or see or anything like that… that is just not me.
I can’t physically handle wearing long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer and then working out – I overheat too easily. I wear long sleeves all the time, other than exercising or in the privacy of my own apartment.
I have tried exercising late at night/ early morning, so I can wear my shorts and tshirts. I want to start running though and it is dangerous to run at night or at 4am. I don’t want others to see my scars and honk their cars or make rude comments. I also plan to start exercising with someone from work, but she doesn’t know about my history and struggles with self-injury.
Any suggestions on how to handle this? I am recovery orientied, however I do slip up now and again.
Hi sweetie, and hello from the UK!
I started to accept my scars in the summer of 2000 when I was 18, well just after my 18th birthday, I was in a world of chaos but knew the more intolerant I was to the state I was becoming the less I would be able to when something in me was saying in the words of ‘Ghandi’ ‘you have to be teh change you want to see in the world’
Someting in me wanted to educate about self injury as I was fed up of the stigma, fed up of being treat as a freak, fed up of being judged before I even spoke, fed up of being medically treated with no dignity which in turn opressed my internal belief that ‘those in the medical profession go into it to help others, to help the no matter what it takes as they are ment to be caring people but why the heck do they treat me in such appauling ways!’
so anyways fast forward to early 2005, something in me decided to phone a tv show and say ‘hey I want you to positivly for the first time EVER feature self injury and I am going to give you a clear acurate list of positive ways to approach mine and many others pain’ and promptly did. Got off the phone confused as to where the confidence came from, a few hours later got a call back saying I was going to be picked up from my home by a nice car, put up in a hotel, and taken out for dinner’ and would be on the show the following moring ‘ OMG! – WTF! – no turning back now!
From that, I rung a local radio show, spoke to a broadcaster I knew from sports quizes I entered for years and years, asked him to have a word with the powers that be, within days was asked to the breakfast show, since then have been interviewed by that station aprox 15 times, even on general mental ill health not just SI!
here is a link to one of the interviews as I just found it on the web, there is a video from tv national news but it is triggery so I am not posting that link just now, I have done local, national tv and radio including news broadcasts and discussions aprox 25 times. ASked as a result to deliver training to professionals in a near by city about SI! – even got PAID! – despite refusing adamantly as I AM DOING THIS FOR OTHERS NOT FOR ME! TO EMPOWER OTHERS TO FELL THEY ARE NOT ALONE>
http://www.bbc.co.uk/leeds/content/articles/2007/06/13/radio_leeds_click_of_the_day_feature.shtml
In regards to exercise – sorry hun I procrastinate a lot, start off slow, b going from long to shorter, to shorter, to shorter sleeves, go at a length that is safe for you. If needs be go back a few steps but forward in time you will strive.
You are incredible, currently swimming in a sea of sharks, but keep on swimming, the life raft is there for you so jump aboad.
Feel you can contact me, I am here not only for you but anyone that needs or wants a ear via cyber space , on the phone etc to care.
lots of love, adn gentle safe hugs of warmth.
Lea
xox
http://www.yadhdpm.co.uk
I have actually done a local interview on TV to help promote awareness and a transcript is available at SAFE’s main website. I had to do it anonymously because of where I live and the strong stigma attached to it. I risked being fired from my job and risked further employment in my community by coming out and revealing my identity. Self-injury, especially in adults, is not something you talk about where I live… without facing extreme discrimination professionally and personally.
In terms of educating myself and others, I have already done this as well. In college, as a psychology major, I did multiple presentations and large projects on the topic and presented the topic with a straight face – despite the faces of horror from my peers and college professors. I know more about self-injury than the people I went to college with, not to mention the medical professionals that were treating me physically for my wounds in college… and psychologically for the effects of it. I was also nearly kicked out of college because of my problems with self-injury and was forced into counseling by the dean.
I am highly educated in terms of self-injury, however where I live — there is not treatment available for those who self-injure. I also notice you are from the UK, which is where there tends to be more social acceptance (not to mention greater access to mental health care). I live in a conservative college town, miles and miles and miles away from not only where I went to college, but away from my family – who also have failed to acknowledge the fact I am not a homicidal, suicidial, freak! To further complicate the issue, I have received medical discrimination from top doctors in the city where I live — including refusal to treat me for physical ailments because of my history of self-injury.
I am not trying to sound like I am on the defense, I am merely asking about how to deal socially with scars when doing *normal activities*. I hate people asking questions about the scars all over my body, but if I try and get healthy by exercising — I risk overheating during the summer months because wearing long sleeves in over 100 degree heat isn’t practical.
I am comfortable looking at my scars, it just comes to explaining them to others where I have a problem. I don’t feel like I need to explain to others, however other people feel they need to discriminate and treat me differently. I hate nosey people — they are so rude when it comes to things like this! I don’t mind wearing my shorts and tshirts, but dealing with the public makes me want to run and hide back in my apartment and get fat or something!!
How do I deal with other people who want to continue to judge me for my decision to stay alive? Self-injury has been my coping mechanism for so long and I still depend on it – I am not fully recovered – but I know there is no help in my community for this and the overly conservative views of the community make “functioning” next to impossible without hiding my skin.