Since I left SAFE I have stayed SI Free and made progress in leaps and bounds that I never thought possible. I went to my therapist a few weeks ago and said why on earth am I coming here and not just opening it all up and laying it out on the table? What am i afraid of? Your judgment? And I talked and talked and talked for the whole session until she had to stop me and say we went over our time. Now before this I had asked what should we talk about frequently and sometimes ended sessions early. And just like that we started seeing eachother twice a week and really getting to the harder stuff.
Not a day goes by that I don’t notice some progress or positive change in myself and in my life. Even when things get hard they never stay hard for long. Because i don’t run from everything anymore. I try and face it head on as it happens and roll with the changes. And while I’m doing that and going through therapy to work on the bigger older issues that have built up it’s like nothing else is building up and I slowly feel more and more free. Everyday is a suprise and an opportunity. I’ve been taking so many positive healthy risks and making so many decisions that are setting my life on the path I want to be on. It’s not always easy but there’s never a dull moment. And sometimes I’m laughing and sometimes I’m crying but I’m sure as hell living. I am satisfied with all I have and all I am, even as I grow and change and follow my heart and intuition.
Sunlight searching eagerly to greet me,
On the street and in the car
Just like a friend that’s come to meet me.
Children in the grass and on the sidewalk,
And the days melt in to memories
That melt away like pastel chalk.