I have to tell my therapist that I can’t see her anymore.  She is using methods that aren’t proven and isn’t really letting me talk.  When I go in she has some sort of curriculum, or plan, that she expects to heal me.  Last session it was a strange guided visualization about my “inner child” while using EMDR taps.  She is suppose to use EMDR, but what she is doing is NOT real EMDR.  I am sooo frustrated- I really hoped this would work out.  She doesn’t respect my boundaries- I told her that I don’t like the visualizations and then she went and did one and then insisted that I talk about myself in the third person (what does “little Nicole” want, etc).  I just want help, not crazy voodoo pop psychology.  I just want to stop having flashbacks, and to start recovering again.  This lady is free, which is why I was seeing her, the last person I saw at this place really helped me, but this lady is just disturbing me.  I have sooo much I need to talk about, and I can’t with her because she doesn’t let me say two words before talking to me about whatever she wants to talk to me about.

I don’t know what to do.  I just want to give up.  I want to give up on not self-injuring, because at least if I was self-injuring I would have some relief.  There is no relief in what is currently going on.  I don’t know how I’m going to find another therapist, I can’t afford to pay out of pocket and I don’t have insurance.  I want so badly to see my old therapist but I don’t think I can afford to see her, even with a sliding scale.  I might be able to to take a loan against my life insurance or even surrender it to pay- I want to take a loan out against it to take classes but if I don’t start getting better I’m never going back to school… so frustrated.