I have to tell my therapist that I can’t see her anymore. She is using methods that aren’t proven and isn’t really letting me talk. When I go in she has some sort of curriculum, or plan, that she expects to heal me. Last session it was a strange guided visualization about my “inner child” while using EMDR taps. She is suppose to use EMDR, but what she is doing is NOT real EMDR. I am sooo frustrated- I really hoped this would work out. She doesn’t respect my boundaries- I told her that I don’t like the visualizations and then she went and did one and then insisted that I talk about myself in the third person (what does “little Nicole” want, etc). I just want help, not crazy voodoo pop psychology. I just want to stop having flashbacks, and to start recovering again. This lady is free, which is why I was seeing her, the last person I saw at this place really helped me, but this lady is just disturbing me. I have sooo much I need to talk about, and I can’t with her because she doesn’t let me say two words before talking to me about whatever she wants to talk to me about.
I don’t know what to do. I just want to give up. I want to give up on not self-injuring, because at least if I was self-injuring I would have some relief. There is no relief in what is currently going on. I don’t know how I’m going to find another therapist, I can’t afford to pay out of pocket and I don’t have insurance. I want so badly to see my old therapist but I don’t think I can afford to see her, even with a sliding scale. I might be able to to take a loan against my life insurance or even surrender it to pay- I want to take a loan out against it to take classes but if I don’t start getting better I’m never going back to school… so frustrated.