i haven’t done anything in a while. i don’t feel the urge to do it as often. only when i’m stressed or i’m feeling something i don’t think i should be feeling. or when i’m just not feeling at all. i miss it so bad. i miss that feeling of relief. i want it so bad, and i know i can’t give in. in Si ing less i am noticing the damage of my scars. and it scares me to see all of them but seeing them makes me miss it. i’ve stopped seeing my therapist and my parents both apparently know. but i’m not sure if they both know they know. that in some ways ruins it for me to do it, now that it’s not as much of my own secret thing. i want to be healed from this all. i really do. but my state of mind doesn’t let me stop. i know a big part of why i do it is because i don’t know how to feel with emotions. how to deal with them, or how to control them. it’s an issue i’ve always had. i always just thought deeply about everything instead of feeling it. how do you teach yourself to feel though ? and feel the correct way ? any advice or insight on anything is so appreciated.