i feel burned out. i want meds to help me settle down but doc refuses to give em. i feel this dread of totally giving up rolling over my back. i feel like this week is gonna be bullocks with after the way today went. i feel ashamed of who i am. i always try to act happy, but in reality i’m sad. i feel like i keep blowing things up and all the meanwhile my friends are left on the side, only looking at me with sympathy. i can’t help but wonder when those eyes will stop caring or run out of patience, letting me fall once more but not catching me. i don’t even have patience for myself, today out of pure frustration i just snapped. i hate that feeling of losing my control. i’m terrified of it. it’s like i become this destructive for unto myself when i become like that. yet, if i S.I. to sooth the anger, i just get mad at myself for S.I. it’s like this never ending cycle of failure…