Why is it so hard for people to look past the scars and the stereotypes surrounding them, and see the person underneath; the girl struggling to overcome her pain and find something to call her own in this world and maybe even make something of herself? I’m scared to wear anything that will show my scars for fear of being judged by other people, perfect strangers even. If others see, I’ll be branded as the “emo”, the “attention whore”, the “crazy girl”. I haven’t harmed myself in 2 or 3 months, but I’m still haunted by remainders of the past 3 years of on-and-off SI.
I don’t want people staring with sick fascination, disgust, or worst of all sympathy at the scars covering my arms. I’ve even caught my close friends staring at my scars instead of my face and had to remind them that “hello, my face is up here!” Just a glimpse of my scars can ruin just about anyone’s good mood. People don’t want to see my scars, I get that. They’re just a visual reminder of the pain we all have to face, and everyone likes to pretend they don’t have. Sometimes I feel like subconsciously people resent me for not hiding it like they do.
I just don’t see why I should have to hide my scars. They may make some people uncomfortable, but they’re a huge part of who I am today. They’re not all I am, but they’ve been with me for a large part of my life and they’re definitely important to me in both positive and negative ways.
My scars: I may be scared of them, ashamed of them, reliant on them, comforted by them, and even sometimes overshadowed by them; but they are not all I am and when the rest of the world can see that I will be happy.