i’ve wrote how my mom does have the ocasional joint in past blogs. our dog just died today and a close friend of my moms died 2 days ago the wake was today and since i didnt know him too well i didnt go. [ i dont know it just seems liek these deaths are just reminding me how much i wish i was dead sometimes. i hate that feeling. but i cant help but feel jealous of our friend and my dog.] so i stayed home and read listend to some music and just thoguth abotu how fed up i am with certain thing. i really tried not to S.I. but i did. the worst part is my mom  who doesnt know] walked in on me. i jump and grabbed mys tuff and ran out of the room. she followed and asked what i was hinding. i told her it was just somethign i was writting and i didnt want her to see.tomorrow me and my other friend, she S.I. too, need to have a talk with another friend who is always sayign how she wishes we’d stop becuz she doesnt liek seeign us hurt ourselves. btu she doesnt know anything abotu it than she say how impefect her life is and trust me this girl is the closet thign to perfect i know. i know she said she has a little bit of drinkign problems and drugs in her distant family btu they dotn live with her and well i go through that too but i live with it. her grade are perfect she can sing plays an instrument perfectly  on the first try shes athletic pretty thin close with her parent and never fights with her sister. but she thinks shes fat [ the girl is less that 100 lbs.] says she cant sing [ she did amazing in all county] her grade are bad to her [ they never go below a 90 and she’s in advanced] and her life is fallign apart[ no ours are but she thinks she’s fallign with us.]  she’s jsut alwas makign us feel horrible and we’ve talked to her about it before btu she just says she never means to and that she doesnt notice. btu ti happends to often. my ex bf also saw my arm im still hopelessly in love with him and he is the only reason i think i’d stop right now. but he just aske my there atre words on my arm i kinda just told him that they werent there and walked away.idk this weekend has been rough. my birthday is tuesday o joy im 14 i survived another year yay? maybe thatw ill cheer me up im supossed to be gettign a new to write love on her arms shirt so thats pretty awsome. good nightmelissa