i almost feel as if i should give up sometimes. i feel disappointed with myself. i love my family, but i still feel like a let down. even to my friends. i find myself getting pissy over nothing. i’m taking meds, but they don’t seem to help. just make me feel more disconnected. i look in the mirror everyday thinking what a disgrace i am, looking at the scars that cover me, and the blob that i am. i feel like sh*t. half the time i can’t even focus. i fear that i will never do anything with my life. i can’t even be serious. i sit there and act crazy when all is going to hell, and my friends are screaming bullocks at me. i wish i could just crawl under my sheets and check out from the world, or lock myself away from the hospital and just let me go crazy, and let it all out. maybe suicide is the only way out. selfish i know. it’s nothing to do with attention seeking, but a way to clear my head and whatever. but who cares. i don’t exist.